Living Outside the Lyre
Ye Olde Blog of a Silenced Sister of the Night
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Well, this is it. My extended stay in college has actually come to a dramatic close; I am living further outside the lyre than ever before.
Everyone keeps asking me how I feel about it, and I still haven’t really figured out the answer. On one hand, I am simply elated. The fact that I never again have to rummage around for my Wiscard with a picture of my infantile freshman face to be granted entry into Memorial Library brings tears of joy to my eyes. I never have to make a 12 page study guide (well, I probably never really had to do that…), climb Bascom (….take the 80 up Bascom), or log onto Learn@UW EVER again. WOW! Can you believe it?? I truly cannot!!!
On the other hand, I’m really, really sad. I’m not trying to be emotional or whatever but this whole “college is over” thing has actually not been going too smoothly for me. Maybe it’s because most of the people who I just spent the past 4 and half months with get to stay and I feel bad because their lives are going to be so much worse without me around. Those poor souls will have to walk by my empty room every day (DOES ANYONE WANT TO SUBLET MY ROOM? IT’S NOT TOO LATE!) and reflect upon “a brighter time, when Megan was still here.”
I’m kidding, mostly, because everyone will probably survive without me. That’s not really the point I wanted to make (although it doesn’t hurt to remind everyone.) My parting gift to you all, my devoted readers, is my deep wisdom (and all of my plastic drawers, which I left behind, so please claim them as your own.)
My most valuable tips are simple. Follow the age old proverbs, “why go out when you can stay in?”, “why walk when you can ride?”, and “why stand when you can sit?” Am I the laziest person of all time? Potentially. But boy, did I enjoy my relaxing college years! (Just make sure you show your face enough to stay relevant, ya know?)
As for those to whom I not get to say goodbye, I am filled with regret. Parthenon, Gotham, My UPS boyfriend :-*, Scanner Dan, the Starbucks barista who spells my name as “Magan” - I’ll miss you terribly. And it seems as though I didn’t get to say goodbye to Jeanne… would someone please do the honors and send her my very warmest regards?
To the younger generations of the Alpha Chi - do your best to pass on the Ye Olde traditions that actually matter, and if you haven’t been to standards (or “CRSB”) you aren’t really livin! Don’t let the celebration of Hera Day override the honoring of Ke$ha’s birthday (March 1st.) Do not give up on pursuit of the stools’ salvation. Persevere. I know they’re in that house somewhere, and you need to get them back. Contact me for description and other details. Oh, and thanks for the free socials and formal I attended this semester. I had a rip roarin’ time and especially enjoyed the taquitos!
As I sit here in my house, silent without the strum of a single golden lyre, I can’t help but feel a tinge of sentimentality and longing for semesters past. If you’ve been reading this blog since its debut, I truly cannot thank you enough. I certainly have a lot to say, and it has been comforting to know that even when my exec announcements were silenced and I was removed from the listserv, my voice was still heard (read.) To those of you still furthering your education, don’t tell me if The Odyssey gets discontinued. Ignorance is bli$$, as they say.
My hope is that, even in my absence, you all continue to wake up every morning feeling like P. Diddy, and live outside the lyre forevermore.
My final blog post is dedicated to my L-shaped couch in 602. You were the best couch I ever had, and you will forever hold a giant L-shaped space in my heart. I hope that you continue to serve 4 or more people who all want to lie down simultaneously in that miraculous way that only you can do. Don’t forget me. I certainly won’t forget you.
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Hello, everyone! Sorry I’ve been MIA from the blogosphere for a while. I was pretty busy writing for The Odyssey/having a life, but now I don’t do or have either of those things. Lucky you!
The main reason I have been absent has been lack of material. Living outside the lyre isn’t really as thrilling or newsworthy when you’re doing it by choice, versus force (sort of.) However, though one might imagine that my darkest ye olden days were over, things took a turn for the worse. First, I had a feud with ~Jeanne~. She hates my guts and wants to see me suffer. I’ll spare you the details, but the bottom line is that I can never show my face within those hallowed halls again.
In addition, I’m a 5th year. This means a lot of things, but mainly it means I am not recognized as a sister of the Alpha Chi. I am now living further outside the lyre than ever before, and let me tell you, it is not ideal. I spent “work week” in solitude. My daily schedule went a little something like this:
- Wake up.
- Text everyone and annoy them asking how long they were going to be at rush practice and tell them how positively BORED I am.
- Sit on the balcony and read a magazine or stare into space until our annoying neighbors go on their balcony and whine on the phone, or worse, try to talk to me.
- Go inside and sit on the couch for an eternity until I am finally blessed with the opportunity to “mingle with the outer world” (aka when the outer world comes over to my apartment.)
I went hours and hours without speaking a word aloud. Don’t get me wrong - I don’t want to rush (Jessica…) or go to chapter or Chi Connex or fill out fake service hours or send 10 Mr. Alpha Chi e-mails (to my parents, camp friends, and my old AOL e-mail addresses…sorry DAIS.) But, it sure would be nice to have a clue about what’s goin’ on and who all these PACE-ing peeps are. Everyone’s still crusin’ down Bill Highway and I am trudging along the dusty, beaten paths. :-/
Just today, I passed 3 girls proudly sporting their AXO gear. I did not recognize one, and even more horrifying, they didn’t recognize ME (how DARE they!!!!!!!!!!!!) I am currently sitting across from a girl with an AXO sticker on her laptop (which matches the one on this very laptop….) and I have not a clue who she is or if that’s even her computer. It appears as though she feels the same way about me.
They say that sisterhood is eternal, and maybe it is. People ask if I’m still in AXO, and I tell them that I am a lifetime member and how dare they ask me that question. Blink-182 has often preached, “nobody likes you when you’re 23,” and as I have just celebrated my 22nd and a half birthday, I am progressively finding more and more truth in that statement. Always remembering the golden lyre, I can only sip my Alpha Chai Latte and pray to Hera that someone invites me as a plus one to our next date party.
PS - The chances that I will get called to CRSB for something related to this post or another form of anti-sorority public outcry are probably around 75%.
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During my time as a YOAC resident and/or tenant, I definitely had my share of complaints and qualms with the establishments customs and “bylaws.” Though my co-inhabitants and I deemed some of our requirements and restrictions unfair, things have risen to a new level of injustice since our grand departure. This post is based on secondary sources, compiled from the desperate cries from golden lyres that can be heard all the way down Langdon.
While Jeanne’s tray rule seemed unnecessary, her fear of crumbs has only been supported by her alleged purchase and utilization of a scooping device, used after meals to remove any debris or remnants from ye olde carpet. This obsession facilitates a nervous eating environment, not only for my dear sisters, but also for the victimized Evans Scholars.
Just as residents were learning to cope with the tray situation, a horrifying, life-altering rule was created. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, our chef Sue creatively recycles food from each meal in an economically-savvy fashion. While we usually face this food slump before breaks or at the end of a semester, this obstacle seems to have crept up on us this year. Much to Sue’s dismay and horror, she has used the majority of her food budget, leaving her with no choice but to scrounge and salvage her remaining rations and dollars to feed the starving Alpha Chis. In pursuit of said goal, Sue and her administrative team (Jeanne, and I think it’s safe to say Bill has been kept in the dark on this one…) have concluded that each meal must be efficiently and equally rationed.
Alpha Chi Omega prides itself on family-style chapter dinners and buffet-style meals, complete with hand-crafted desserts from our very own retired pastry chef. Members eagerly anticipate each meal, frantically texting one another and tweeting to compile a list of main dishes and sides before the line-up begins. In short, Alpha Chi’s highly value meal time, and the freedom that comes along with it.
While other sorority houses may express concern regarding nutrition and eating “too much,” we express concern with “not eating enough.” In turn, it’s likely to see an Alpha Chi’s plate piled high with 7 mini eggrolls, 6-10 sweet and sour meatballs, and at least two pepperoni rolls. Coveted items such as these, among many others, quickly vanish, and fans flock to each refill tray as they ascend from the kitchen. This thrill and chase will no longer be possible - Alpha Chi’s are now being hand-served what Jeanne deems to be “appropriate” portions.
Current live-in Kelly Hiserodt reports exclusively from inside the lyre, expressing devastation in regard to this new custom. She emotionally compares the experience to elementary school lunch days, but worse, because they include Jeanne (that’s my own addition.) It was reported that as members approached the table for seconds, they were granted a small fraction of their original portion, although Jeanne served herself nearly triple the “allotted amount.” Though it has been said that Jeanne has been bullying the Evans Scholars this meal season, she evidently is attempting to redeem herself by granting them freedom of portion control.
Outraged members have begun to brainstorm better ways to cut back on expenditures. The Real Jay Hay suggests eliminating some expensive, unpopular foods, such as crab meat in the salad bar. In her defense, in my two years of living in and four sporadic years of dining at Ye Olde, I have not once witnessed the use of said crab meat.
Life inside the lyre is looking grim; between a faulty Culligan and deprivation of ample rations, some members may be getting off at the next exit on Bill Highway. Stay tuned, and please ship any canned goods to 152 Langdon.
Jeanne at her post, armed and ready to serve only the most deserving their fair share of Lasanga. Little did we know, she was already plotting her personal feast.
Photo Credz: Kelly Hiserodt
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I’ll admit that I’ve definitely dropped the ball on keeping up with Ye Olde’s happenings throughout the semester, but luckily I have a group of spies disguised as members to give me the dirt on what’s going on inside the hallowed halls of 152 Langdon.
Since my last update, Jeanne has added to her lengthy scroll of unreasonable rules. As reported diligently by Jennifer Kopka, Jeanne’s irrational fear of crumbs has lead her to force residents to eat off of trays at every meal. As a result, the grande dining room now resembles Ye Olde Pop’s Club and/or Edward’s.
Secondly, and most importantly, the beloved Culligan is out of commission. As I have continually preached, the Culligan is essential to the survival of Ye Olde’s residents. Its absence is a true testament to the many who are suffering to wind up their tenancy without leading a revolution. “The feeling I felt when I stumbled into the servery and not only found the Culligan empty, but a towel over it saying ‘broken,’ brought a tear to my eye. I also began to wonder how long I would have to endure this torture and what other options I had,” says year-and-a-half long resident, Library Leah. Well, Madison tap water has chunks in it, ol’ faithful Sugar-Free Cran and Ruby Red attended Mr. Alpha Chi, and you sure can’t dip into Jeanne’s tomato juice. Looks like you guys will be suffering from eternal thirst. People are probably fainting from shock as they enter the servery, face-planting on the tile, because there is NO SEATING (stools, you are not forgotten! I will not graduate without completing your rescue.)
Stay tuned for incoming information on the annual end-of-semester food slump and other breaking news. Submissions, interviews, and images are encouraged.
Photographic evidence courtesy of Jennugget and Library Leah
