Living Outside the Lyre

"With all my heart, without a why or wherefore..."

Thu, 27 Dec 2012 12:15:00 -0600

Well, this is it. My extended stay in college has actually come to a dramatic close; I am living further outside the lyre than ever before.

Everyone keeps asking me how I feel about it, and I still haven’t really figured out the answer. On one hand, I am simply elated. The fact that I never again have to rummage around for my Wiscard with a picture of my infantile freshman face to be granted entry into Memorial Library brings tears of joy to my eyes. I never have to make a 12 page study guide (well, I probably never really had to do that…), climb Bascom (….take the 80 up Bascom), or log onto Learn@UW EVER again. WOW! Can you believe it?? I truly cannot!!!

On the other hand, I’m really, really sad. I’m not trying to be emotional or whatever but this whole “college is over” thing has actually not been going too smoothly for me. Maybe it’s because most of the people who I just spent the past 4 and half months with get to stay and I feel bad because their lives are going to be so much worse without me around. Those poor souls will have to walk by my empty room every day (DOES ANYONE WANT TO SUBLET MY ROOM? IT’S NOT TOO LATE!) and reflect upon “a brighter time, when Megan was still here.”

I’m kidding, mostly, because everyone will probably survive without me. That’s not really the point I wanted to make (although it doesn’t hurt to remind everyone.) My parting gift to you all, my devoted readers, is my deep wisdom (and all of my plastic drawers, which I left behind, so please claim them as your own.)

My most valuable tips are simple. Follow the age old proverbs, “why go out when you can stay in?”, “why walk when you can ride?”, and “why stand when you can sit?” Am I the laziest person of all time? Potentially. But boy, did I enjoy my relaxing college years! (Just make sure you show your face enough to stay relevant, ya know?)

As for those to whom I not get to say goodbye, I am filled with regret. Parthenon, Gotham, My UPS boyfriend :-*, Scanner Dan, the Starbucks barista who spells my name as “Magan” - I’ll miss you terribly. And it seems as though I didn’t get to say goodbye to Jeanne… would someone please do the honors and send her my very warmest regards?

To the younger generations of the Alpha Chi - do your best to pass on the Ye Olde traditions that actually matter, and if you haven’t been to standards (or “CRSB”) you aren’t really livin! Don’t let the celebration of Hera Day override the honoring of Ke$ha’s birthday (March 1st.) Do not give up on pursuit of the stools’ salvation. Persevere. I know they’re in that house somewhere, and you need to get them back. Contact me for description and other details. Oh, and thanks for the free socials and formal I attended this semester. I had a rip roarin’ time and especially enjoyed the taquitos!

As I sit here in my house, silent without the strum of a single golden lyre, I can’t help but feel a tinge of sentimentality and longing for semesters past. If you’ve been reading this blog since its debut, I truly cannot thank you enough. I certainly have a lot to say, and it has been comforting to know that even when my exec announcements were silenced and I was removed from the listserv, my voice was still heard (read.) To those of you still furthering your education, don’t tell me if The Odyssey gets discontinued. Ignorance is bli$$, as they say.

My hope is that, even in my absence, you all continue to wake up every morning feeling like P. Diddy, and live outside the lyre forevermore.

My final blog post is dedicated to my L-shaped couch in 602. You were the best couch I ever had, and you will forever hold a giant L-shaped space in my heart. I hope that you continue to serve 4 or more people who all want to lie down simultaneously in that miraculous way that only you can do. Don’t forget me. I certainly won’t forget you.

The Dog DAIS Are Over

Tue, 16 Oct 2012 01:24:00 -0500

Hello, everyone! Sorry I’ve been MIA from the blogosphere for a while. I was pretty busy writing for The Odyssey/having a life, but now I don’t do or have either of those things. Lucky you!

The main reason I have been absent has been lack of material. Living outside the lyre isn’t really as thrilling or newsworthy when you’re doing it by choice, versus force (sort of.) However, though one might imagine that my darkest ye olden days were over, things took a turn for the worse. First, I had a feud with ~Jeanne~. She hates my guts and wants to see me suffer. I’ll spare you the details, but the bottom line is that I can never show my face within those hallowed halls again.

In addition, I’m a 5th year. This means a lot of things, but mainly it means I am not recognized as a sister of the Alpha Chi. I am now living further outside the lyre than ever before, and let me tell you, it is not ideal. I spent “work week” in solitude. My daily schedule went a little something like this:

Wake up.
Text everyone and annoy them asking how long they were going to be at rush practice and tell them how positively BORED I am.
Sit on the balcony and read a magazine or stare into space until our annoying neighbors go on their balcony and whine on the phone, or worse, try to talk to me.
Go inside and sit on the couch for an eternity until I am finally blessed with the opportunity to “mingle with the outer world” (aka when the outer world comes over to my apartment.)

I went hours and hours without speaking a word aloud. Don’t get me wrong - I don’t want to rush (Jessica…) or go to chapter or Chi Connex or fill out fake service hours or send 10 Mr. Alpha Chi e-mails (to my parents, camp friends, and my old AOL e-mail addresses…sorry DAIS.) But, it sure would be nice to have a clue about what’s goin’ on and who all these PACE-ing peeps are. Everyone’s still crusin’ down Bill Highway and I am trudging along the dusty, beaten paths. :-/

Just today, I passed 3 girls proudly sporting their AXO gear. I did not recognize one, and even more horrifying, they didn’t recognize ME (how DARE they!!!!!!!!!!!!) I am currently sitting across from a girl with an AXO sticker on her laptop (which matches the one on this very laptop….) and I have not a clue who she is or if that’s even her computer. It appears as though she feels the same way about me.

They say that sisterhood is eternal, and maybe it is. People ask if I’m still in AXO, and I tell them that I am a lifetime member and how dare they ask me that question. Blink-182 has often preached, “nobody likes you when you’re 23,” and as I have just celebrated my 22nd and a half birthday, I am progressively finding more and more truth in that statement. Always remembering the golden lyre, I can only sip my Alpha Chai Latte and pray to Hera that someone invites me as a plus one to our next date party.

PS - The chances that I will get called to CRSB for something related to this post or another form of anti-sorority public outcry are probably around 75%.

In case it wasn't clear...

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 12:00:00 -0600

Photo credz to inside source Kelly Hiserodt

Mealtime Monstrosity - Jeanne Strikes Again!

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 19:02:36 -0600

During my time as a YOAC resident and/or tenant, I definitely had my share of complaints and qualms with the establishments customs and “bylaws.” Though my co-inhabitants and I deemed some of our requirements and restrictions unfair, things have risen to a new level of injustice since our grand departure. This post is based on secondary sources, compiled from the desperate cries from golden lyres that can be heard all the way down Langdon.

While Jeanne’s tray rule seemed unnecessary, her fear of crumbs has only been supported by her alleged purchase and utilization of a scooping device, used after meals to remove any debris or remnants from ye olde carpet. This obsession facilitates a nervous eating environment, not only for my dear sisters, but also for the victimized Evans Scholars.

Just as residents were learning to cope with the tray situation, a horrifying, life-altering rule was created. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, our chef Sue creatively recycles food from each meal in an economically-savvy fashion. While we usually face this food slump before breaks or at the end of a semester, this obstacle seems to have crept up on us this year. Much to Sue’s dismay and horror, she has used the majority of her food budget, leaving her with no choice but to scrounge and salvage her remaining rations and dollars to feed the starving Alpha Chis. In pursuit of said goal, Sue and her administrative team (Jeanne, and I think it’s safe to say Bill has been kept in the dark on this one…) have concluded that each meal must be efficiently and equally rationed.

Alpha Chi Omega prides itself on family-style chapter dinners and buffet-style meals, complete with hand-crafted desserts from our very own retired pastry chef. Members eagerly anticipate each meal, frantically texting one another and tweeting to compile a list of main dishes and sides before the line-up begins. In short, Alpha Chi’s highly value meal time, and the freedom that comes along with it.

While other sorority houses may express concern regarding nutrition and eating “too much,” we express concern with “not eating enough.” In turn, it’s likely to see an Alpha Chi’s plate piled high with 7 mini eggrolls, 6-10 sweet and sour meatballs, and at least two pepperoni rolls. Coveted items such as these, among many others, quickly vanish, and fans flock to each refill tray as they ascend from the kitchen. This thrill and chase will no longer be possible - Alpha Chi’s are now being hand-served what Jeanne deems to be “appropriate” portions.

Current live-in Kelly Hiserodt reports exclusively from inside the lyre, expressing devastation in regard to this new custom. She emotionally compares the experience to elementary school lunch days, but worse, because they include Jeanne (that’s my own addition.) It was reported that as members approached the table for seconds, they were granted a small fraction of their original portion, although Jeanne served herself nearly triple the “allotted amount.” Though it has been said that Jeanne has been bullying the Evans Scholars this meal season, she evidently is attempting to redeem herself by granting them freedom of portion control.

Outraged members have begun to brainstorm better ways to cut back on expenditures. The Real Jay Hay suggests eliminating some expensive, unpopular foods, such as crab meat in the salad bar. In her defense, in my two years of living in and four sporadic years of dining at Ye Olde, I have not once witnessed the use of said crab meat.

Life inside the lyre is looking grim; between a faulty Culligan and deprivation of ample rations, some members may be getting off at the next exit on Bill Highway. Stay tuned, and please ship any canned goods to 152 Langdon.

Jeanne at her post, armed and ready to serve only the most deserving their fair share of Lasanga. Little did we know, she was already plotting her personal feast.

Photo Credz: Kelly Hiserodt

Trouble on the Homefront

Sat, 19 Nov 2011 14:14:33 -0600

I’ll admit that I’ve definitely dropped the ball on keeping up with Ye Olde’s happenings throughout the semester, but luckily I have a group of spies disguised as members to give me the dirt on what’s going on inside the hallowed halls of 152 Langdon.

Since my last update, Jeanne has added to her lengthy scroll of unreasonable rules. As reported diligently by Jennifer Kopka, Jeanne’s irrational fear of crumbs has lead her to force residents to eat off of trays at every meal. As a result, the grande dining room now resembles Ye Olde Pop’s Club and/or Edward’s.

Secondly, and most importantly, the beloved Culligan is out of commission. As I have continually preached, the Culligan is essential to the survival of Ye Olde’s residents. Its absence is a true testament to the many who are suffering to wind up their tenancy without leading a revolution. “The feeling I felt when I stumbled into the servery and not only found the Culligan empty, but a towel over it saying ‘broken,’ brought a tear to my eye. I also began to wonder how long I would have to endure this torture and what other options I had,” says year-and-a-half long resident, Library Leah. Well, Madison tap water has chunks in it, ol’ faithful Sugar-Free Cran and Ruby Red attended Mr. Alpha Chi, and you sure can’t dip into Jeanne’s tomato juice. Looks like you guys will be suffering from eternal thirst. People are probably fainting from shock as they enter the servery, face-planting on the tile, because there is NO SEATING (stools, you are not forgotten! I will not graduate without completing your rescue.)

Stay tuned for incoming information on the annual end-of-semester food slump and other breaking news. Submissions, interviews, and images are encouraged.

Photographic evidence courtesy of Jennugget and Library Leah

Things That Are Included That Nobody Wants: Revisited

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 17:14:00 -0600

Refer to http://kirschybar.tumblr.com/post/2640458464/things-that-are-included-that-nobody-wants

100 Greatest Songs of the 00's - The Remix

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 11:59:00 -0500

The early 2000s were a magical time for all. Though many of us had yet to meet, we have now found that our early-adolescent experiences closely resemble those of our friends, largely due to the era’s musical contributions. As Ben argued last week, the influence of “Top 40” music stretches far and wide, as each song from our past associates with nostalgic meaning. The songs renowned as chart-toppers of the early 00s were unlike any others. Their lyrics, beat, and the memories we correlate them with will never be surpassed, although some of us may lose sight of that as we immerse ourselves in today’s dubstep-dominated airwaves.

Throughout the first week of October, Vh1 aired the long-awaited special, “100 Greatest Songs of the 00’s.” With big shoes to fill after the renowned 90’s edition of the program, my roommates and I had high hopes as we gathered around the TV each night. While I have great respect and admiration for Vh1 specials, I have a bone or two (or ninety) to pick with their compiled list.

Before I delve into criticism of the countdown’s content, I must say a word about the host, Pete Wentz. Maybe I missed something and to others Pete Wentz is an iconic artist of the decade, but regardless, he was possibly the worst host in the whole entire world. Not only did he not move his arms, legs or blink, but also each word he spoke was delivered in a monotone mumble.

After recovering from my disgust with this first situation, I was ready to hear which song barely made the cut at #100. The color drained from my face and my stomach flipped as I heard the first few melodic notes of Sisqo’s “The Thong Song.” 100?!?!?!? This masterpiece should AT LEAST have made the top 20. Shocked, my roommates and I could barely utter words of our disapproval, and only hoped that things would improve from here (but were less than thrilled to see Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” at #97.)

As things progressed, I was much more at peace with the lineup. I had moments of sheer fury as James Blunt, Daughtry and Creed appeared, but for the most part, I was able to remain calm. I felt that classics like “Stacy’s Mom” and “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” had been unfairly placed in the high 80s, and as always, Vh1 threw in a few wildcards like D’Angelo’s “Untitled (How Does It Feel),” which I had literally never heard of (and hope to never hear again.)

Memories flooded back from my days on the bat mitzvah dance floor with songs like “Get Low,” “Bye Bye Bye,” and personal favorite “Lady Marmalade,” while many of us reminisced about our first slow dances with the revelation of Enrique Iglesias’ “Hero.” I was pleased to be reminded of sometimes-forgotten gems like “Let Me Blow Ya Mind,” “I’m Real (Murder Remix),” and “Party Up (Up In Here.)” What did NOT please me, however, was watching Colbie Calliat creep in at a whopping #71. I have a personal aversion to Calliat due to a technological difficulty during which a certain friend of mine “accidentally” cleared my iPod, miraculously leaving me with only this one artist in my library. I discovered the mishap upon my arrival at the SERF, and because of the trauma, I have not returned since the incident (which was during my sophomore year.) Henceforth, the sounds of her sickly sweet, soothing voice will forever cause my blood to boil.

Aside from the salting of this ever-present wound, I was comforted to find that my number one girl, Ke$ha, had made the list at #60 with “Tik Tok.” If I had it my way, she would have made the top 10, but clearly not everyone is on board. Her closeness in proximity to Nickelback at #77 was horrifying; commentators described the motley crew as the band everyone “loves to hate” (get real cat, no one is that bad.) Why R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet” was chosen over “Ignition (Remix)” will forever remain of life’s great mysteries, but at least the Vh1 ripped the video apart in the overlying commentary.

As the countdown came to a close, I began to panic. While I am well aware that my undying devotion to Rihanna and Drake’s “What’s My Name” is and most likely will remain unrivaled, part of me hoped that it would get the recognition it deserves. With the conclusion of the fifth hour of this special, I decided that it is our duty to ensure that not only will the chosen songs live on (especially Nelly), but promote and sustain those that didn’t make the cut. I’m looking forward to watching our favorite artists grace the screen again in a few years…as background noise to my personal commentary.

Everyone read the Issue 8 of The Odyssey here: http://theodysseyonline.com/co ntent/issues/Wisconsin/10.20.1 1/

Check out today's Odyssey for a very special guest...

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 15:17:20 -0500

First, read the whole thing - http://theodysseyonline.com/content/issues/Wisconsin/10.20.11/

In honor of Lizard Queen’s Odyssey debut, I present you with her headshot:

I can’t wait for Elf Yourself season!

Morning Marvas!

Tue, 11 Oct 2011 11:16:53 -0500

Morning Marvas!

Come on, girls! Do you believe in pumps?

Wed, 05 Oct 2011 11:42:00 -0500

In honor of the Dance Moms season finale tonight, I bring you two of the series’ biggest stars:

Video

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 11:21:19 -0500

Life After YOAC: Confessions and Regrets

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 14:10:00 -0500

We’re all well aware that my nearest and dearest and I encountered a few “bumps in the road,” if you will, during our time as residents and/or tenants at Ye Olde Alpha Chi. They were the best of times, they were were the worst of times, and above all else, moving out was a coming-of-age moment for us all. Now subjects of the royal Patrick of Patrick Properties (POPP), life at 621 Mendota has met and sometimes even exceeded our expectations. However, while we definitely could file a complaint or 45 about the abbreviated lifestyle we were confined to within the walls of YOAC, there are some elements that we do long for (whether we’re willing to admit it or not…I clearly am willing). You may or may notice that each of these things is essentially attributed to laze, which will just be reinforced in my unprompted ode to the 80 that can be found in next week’s Odyssey (bet you guys CANNOT WAIT! ~sry 4 da teaser~).

1. The Servery

To be clear, it is not the limitations of YOAC cuisine that we miss. As a matter of fact, having culinary freedom is perhaps the number one perk of Patrick Property life. What we may have taken for granted, however, is the constantly stocked array of condiments the YOAC fridge had to offer. We had 4 or 5 varieties of cream cheese, butter, jelly of all flavors, peanut butter, maple syrup (although we stopped getting waffles early into 2009)…it was a condiment enthusiasts dream (Laura Jane). Now free from the confines of the beloved servery, we find our bagel thins and english muffins dry…although we do get to eat them sitting down (as opposed to post-stool culture). You win some, you lose some.

2. Meal Surprises

Again, I don’t want to confuse people into thinking that I miss the AXO meal plan, because, well, I don’t. However, fan favorites such as sweet and sour turkey meatballs, pita pizza, and thai lettuce wraps will definitely be enough to lure me into those hallowed halls yet again. There was something mystical and thrilling about the mass texts each day at 11:30 AM and 4:45 PM, anxiously outsourcing to see if anyone knew what meals were in store (usually followed up with texts that read “sides????? dessert????”). Now, with the fate of our satiety in our own control, we have lost the magic of meal surprises. Subsequently, the leftover (or “once again”) culture in YOAC is a behavior that cannot be replicated. As soon as we are initially presented with the meal, we begin brainstorming the creations we can make later that night with the remains. Even more so, when leftovers are scarce, we feel the need to hover around the servery to make sure we don’t come home from the library to find that all the pepperoni rolls and chocolate chip cookies have been seized, ruining our grand finale ploy.

3. Sea-level Beds

Within seconds of stepping foot into our apartment for the first time, all visitors are immediately flabbergasted and appalled at the height that POPP made our beds. One essentially has to crane their neck to see what anyone’s bedding looks like, and toss any fear of heights aside in pursuit of a good night’s rest. Luckily, being “on the taller side”, I am able to successfully hoist myself onto my bed with ease. Others have resorted to perfecting the “running leap” or have just purchased step-stools. The major downfall of being suspended in mid-air all night long is that if you drop something, you have to get out of bed to get it (THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!). You can try to lean out of your bed, dangling your arms over the side so far that all that remains on the mattress is your feet, but chances are, you won’t be able to pick up what you dropped/you’ll seriously hurt yourself.

4. The Culligan

I have written many an ode to what is formally known as Ye Olde Culligan, none of which have done the fine invention justice. I cannot help but reflect upon the days spent in our royal bed chambers, overcome with thirst, endlessly complaining about the journey to the Culligan that inevitably lay ahead. Now, blocks away from our familiar friend, we are kicking ourselves for taking each tiny drop of water for granted. I know you may be thinking that there should be drinking water in our apartment - we’re thinking that too. We bought a Brita mechanism for the sink, but we couldn’t install it without a wrench…and once we got a wrench, the mechanism didn’t fit the faucet. We could get a pitcher, but we’re lazy and cheap, so we’ve been drinking what has been ranked as some of the country’s worst tap water. We also just experienced a 12-hour drought over here at 621, but are now welcoming the worst water ever back with open arms.

5. JACKIE

To an outsider, Jackie is helpful in the ways that we see on paper - she is a saint for cleaning the mess that golden lyres (specifically sisters of the night) leave each day. To a resident, Jackie is much more. There is nothing that brightens one’s day more than seeing Jackie in the morning, chatting with her as she genuinely inquires about your classes, stress-level, and personal life. In the words of AlexIrene07, “I luv Jackie, she luuvvvs me too. She always compliments ma clothes. And ma artwork.” Couldn’t have said it better myself.

You’ll notice Jeanne isn’t on this list…I’m just saying.

Pretty Little Lyres

Tue, 13 Sep 2011 20:35:00 -0500

For sorority girls, the daylight hours of welcome week are spent in the confines of their respective houses. Golden lyres who have yearned for the warmth and comfort of Ye Olde Alpha Chi during the summer months are able to finally fill that void (especially in the warmth department). The heat and repetition of rush practice can really go to our heads…even Jeanne began to lose sight of her morals and allowed us to aimlessly roam barefoot.

Although the rules of rush are relentlessly ingrained into our minds, by the 9th or 10th round of the first day of recruitment, we can lose control over what is coming out of our mouths. Every rusher has been stuck in a situation where the conversation runs dry, and we struggle to remember what we’ve already said. Even worse, when rushing someone who is either clearly uninterested in you or you’re uninterested in them, there are far fewer topics to pull from. In attempt to keep a conversation flowing past the knowledge of the PNM’s major, living situation, football ticket status, and “what they’re looking for in a house” (whaaaat), some of us have to resort to stretching the truth (or just flat-out making things up).

New members of YOAC (if you’ve somehow gotten your technological hands on this godforsaken blog), you’re probably horrified (and not just because of this entry). Let me assure you - the “lies” we tell during recruitment aren’t meant to be misleading or malicious. Whether a result of exhaustion or just sheer boredom, the rush alter egos we take on are often just a subconscious attempt to spice things up. Nothing harmful, just…not true.

For example, fan favorite “Shmariel Shmurray” fabricated a detailed tale of the “costume closet” in our new apartment. According to her, when our moms came to move us in, they were thrilled to see a spacious storage closet for our winter-wear and luggage. Being the fun-loving gals we are, we quickly intervened, assuring them that we needed that space to store all of the costumes we had accumulated over the years and years of wild socials! Well, not only did Jeanne throw out the box of costumes we left in storage this summer (RIP Cookie, Oscar, and Supa G), but we only experienced a mere semester and a half-ish of socials in our (thus far) 3-year Alpha Chi legacy. Social probation is still a foreign concept to these innocent PNMs…let’s hope it stays that way.

With over 80 girls packed into one living room, the volume can get a little high. With some of these PNMs, it would be hard to hold a conversation in a silent room, but other times, the difficulty can be attributed to noise. After asking a PNM to repeat herself (or vice versa) numerous times, some of us just give up and go with whatever is easiest. For example, during the slideshow, I just wanted to watch. I didn’t want to talk, so if a PNM I didn’t like was asking me too many questions, I just stuck to short, simple answers. Let’s just say that there are a number of freshman out there who think I had a great time at the Rose Bowl and in Punta Cana. The same number think that I dressed Shmariel in “neon pink leggings and a fur leopard jacket” for the “what my roommate made me wear” social. 1. she didn’t wear that and 2. we were never roommates. It’s fine…

Some golden lyres take on different identities entirely, rushing as their alter egos. Moddy, for example, “loved living in” (naaaaah). She was barely home because she was so busy rehearsing for All-Campus Idol (which she won!) and filming her season on The Glee Project. Meg, on the other hand, prioritized the ability to relate to PNMs this year, and told tales of her time as a dancer at The Abby Lee Dance Company.

At times, stories became so convincing that we ourselves forgot that they weren’t true. I may or may not have spoken about my “boyfriend” (infraction, whatever) from time to time…but if any new members were wondering, we’re not together anymore (I broke up with him).

So what if all of the “badger volunteers” and stars of the silver screen have mysteriously vanished from the house…we had a great time. New pledge class, congratulations, and welcome to the most diverse, sweatpant-loving house on all of Langdon! ~cheerz~

Jeanney On the Job

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 16:42:52 -0500

This morning, while we had the pleasure of participating in yet another day of rush practice, Jeanne began to prepare for upcoming rounds by getting Ye Olde in top condition. In her head-to-toe white tracksuit (which could double as an outfit for initiation, if anyone needs something to wear), she intricately painted our back patio’s fence. Here she is in action!

Paparazzi shot courtesy of Annie “Widdle Pwez” O’Leary

(I would have snapped this pic myself, but Jeanne and I have made huge strides in our relationship in recent times and I wouldn’t want to backtrack. Yesterday, she allowed me to retrieve carrots from the fridge without footwear!)

Why We Work Week

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 02:38:48 -0500

In the last few weeks, you may have noticed a significant decrease in your number of Facebook friends and/or tagged photos. The cause? Rush, duh! It’s that time of year – sorority work week hath come again. This means no class, warm weather, and spending every waking moment with your closest gal pals. Between each grueling moment of rush practice, you can find us sistas basking at the terrace, working on those cinnamon tanz. Can’t mobile upload that snapshot of the girlays in their matching promotional tanks, guess we’ll have to twitpic it!

The term “work week” is loosely thrown around amongst the jargon of the Greeks, but what does it really mean? Beyond the doors of each sorority on Langdon lies a workshop unique from that of its neighbors. Organized schedules of singing, cheering, and intricate clapping are executed each day, the older girls bestowing their knowledge upon the younger. We learn the importance of rules (and what happens if you break them), bombarded with terms like “infraction” and thousands of new abbrevs. Days upon days spent in 100 degree living rooms result in bickering over who’s going to give a house tour of which floor, what color your nails should or shoudn’t be, and countless more #sororitygirlproblems.

It all sounds ridiculous, but these few weeks of technological and social restraints are a small price to pay for an eternity of sisterhood (awwww.) In all seriousness, there is something to be said for the lifestyle we live as members of the Greek system. We all chose to rush for a reason, but it’s important to keep that reason in mind. As uninformed, timid freshman, we all wandered aimlessly down Langdon with our nametags dangling from our necks. Noses buried in maps of the neighborhood we could now navigate blindfolded, we worried about first impressions, keeping amicable relationships with our Rho Gammas and group members, and most importantly, surviving each successive day of rush.

With the start of my senior year, I have to acknowledge the impact that membership of the Greek system has made on my college experience. Beyond the obvious reasons for rushing (making friends, getting involved, you know), the opportunities we as members of the community have been exposed to are immeasurable. With a full year ahead, whether it be your first, last, or somewhere in between, take time to utilize each resource this experience has to offer. The only way to tolerate some of the stereotypes pinned on us each time we wear our letters is to embrace and take pride in the hilarity of them. And let’s be honest – whether or not we want to admit it, we’re going to have enough sisterly bonds and American Apparel t-shirts to last us a lifetime.

EVERYONE READ THE ODYSSEY! APPLY TO WRITE! pleez

http://theodysseyonline.com/content/issues/Wisconsin/09.01.11/

Characters of State Street: Scanner Dan

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 17:29:00 -0500

Summer in Madison can really feel like an alternate universe. YOAC is deserted (besides Jeanne, of course), there are thousands of open outlets at Helen C, and the terrace is filled with children in arm floaties. Passing a familiar face when making the embarrassing backpack-clad trek to class each day is the most pleasant of surprises, reminding us that we are not alone in this summer school experience (although it may seem that way based on the thousands of tweets from NYC internships that flow in each day.)

When walking through Library Mall after an exam or stepping out of Memorial into the 80 degree air, I become painfully aware of the fact that I am still here, in school, without the majority of the student body. I think back feeling of pure bliss upon liberation from the last spring final, knowing that you won’t have to put yourself through another moment of cage studying until at least late September. I cannot put into words how much I am looking forward to feeling that way again after just one more day of immersing myself in the joy that is Stats for Psych, after (hopefully) surviving a cumulative final and subsequently tossing my TI-83 into Lake Mendota.

While there are a lot of things that clearly differentiate the Madison summer environment from that which we experience during each semester, there are a number of characters and elements that remind us that we’re still in the same place.

Sororities may be vacated for these three months, but thanks to Scanner Dan, our presence remains. Scanner Dan is a character of State Street, in the company of the Street Pulse Compliment Giver and Professor “Does Anyone Have 25 Cents” (who once spewed chewed up pretzels at our very own Alexirene07). While many assume he’s homeless (based on the context clues of his horrifying hygiene and position in the same place in the same clothes day after day), he actually has an apartment in Madison. It is, however, unclear if this alleged apartment has a shower or toothbrush. His nickname is derived from his signature accessory - an old police scanner that he talks into, although no one is quite sure of who is on the other end.

Scanner Dan’s daily routine consists of taking two buses to downtown Madison, where he sits on one of four benches and shouts at those lucky enough to pass by. Having lived this repetitive lifestyle for over 30 years, Dan has been known to boast about his membership in “every sorority” on campus. As a freshman, I knew I could anticipate the “AXO ALERT, AXO ALERT” chant each time I walked by his post in my letters. After just a few months, Dan began to re-evaluate his initial judgment of pinning me as an AXO. Now, almost three years later, he refuses to budge on his firm belief that I am in AEPHI. Granted, I can understand why he would come to that conclusion sometimes, but I’ve made a point to PACE in his presence (to no avail.) The most interactive of any of State Street’s gems, it’s almost impossible to ignore SD’s remarks. Recently (after yet another “the one in the blue shorts is in AEPHI!”), I whipped my head around (wearing AXO sunglasses) to acknowledge his slur. Had I not been in such a hurry, I may have stopped to correct him…but I know this is too entertaining to everyone that gets to witness it. He’s been known to profess his love to certain sorority sisters and declare others to be his wives, so I suppose things could be worse.

In just a few weeks, the rest of Dan and my sisters will be filing back into their respective homes, the magic of rush work week filling the air. The streets will be bustling with hundreds more familiar faces, and below those faces, promotional tank tops. Will this sway Dan’s opinion, or will he stand strong on his beliefs? An interview may be in order.

AX(Ω), What a Way to Go

Mon, 01 Aug 2011 20:13:02 -0500

Well everyone, the moment we’ve been anticipating has finally arrived - 152 Langdon is once again a three-letter establishment. As of this week, an omega has been fastened to the beloved scarlet brick of Ye Olde Alpha Chi, declaring us once again “Alpha Chi Omega.” Maybe we have our last letter, but the real question is…are there stools beyond those doors? Give us what we really want - this is a democracy (not a cheer-o-cracy.)

It seems as though house corps may have missed the boat on the font choice - omega looks much more bold and intimidating than veterans alpha and chi. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve always thought we’d be better off without that third letter, abiding by the age-old proverb “less is more.”

I’m able to provide you all with a photograph of this new addition, because I selflessly stayed here in Madison all summer just so I could report this story first. In just a few short weeks, YOAC’s inhabitants, both old and new, will be returning to their royal saunas. In preparation for work week, and subsequently house tours, we can expect to see walls tastefully decorated with pictures of Alpha Chi’s taking money out of ATMs with their boyfriends while drinking in expensive brands and wearing religious affiliated jewelry. Just kidding! Banks, boiiz, booze, brands, bibles…post-it citaaaay! Infraction!

Soon enough, the angelic sounds of “Remember the Golden Lyre” will be echoing through these hallowed halls - until then, I leave you with this…

In the words of Di4Rubies - “That’s all folks! There’s truth in every jest.”

Mysterious Vandalism of the Night - Part Deux

Sat, 28 May 2011 16:23:20 -0500

I’m starting to feel like these works of art might be hate crimes, but nonetheless, still amusing. Today’s addition appears to read “P$B”, which I can only assume stands for Put $tools Back. The “$” in place of “S” is in honor of Ke$ha. Not sure who can reach that to scrub it off…Leah, are you available? I’ll sit on your shoulders…

Photo Credz - Jessica “Blank Canvas, Tehe” Austin

YOU HEARD IT HERE SECOND! (Carly already tweeted this)

Thu, 19 May 2011 23:24:00 -0500

Hey JEANNE!!!!!! How’s keeping watch over the house going for ya???? This is unreal. I love this. I don’t know whose face that is, but that guy looks way happier than our omega ever did. When I get back to school on Sunday, I plan on going over there with a can of spray paint and adding a bonnet to his head. Whoever is responsible for this, please come forward. You can even send me an anonymous note, but in all honesty I need to interview you. Unless you’re the mysterious fellow that yelled at me and scared me to death two weeks ago in the parking lot, in which case I never want to see or hear from you again.

Photo Credzz: Carly “Tiny Lady” Than

10 Things I've Learned From Living In This Godforsaken Place

Tue, 17 May 2011 22:12:03 -0500

Well, for better or for worse, I can no longer call myself a resident of 152 Langdon. In such dark times, I can’t help but reflect on the memories my dear sisters and I have shared in our humble abode. To be honest, there were times I never thought this day would come. We all had our doubts about Shmariel and my ability to remain members/tenants of this house until the end of our junior year, but alas, we made it! It’s been a long, tumultuous journey, but I have reaped many a lesson from my time at Alpha Chi Omega, more fondly known as Ye Olde Alpha Chi.

Lesson 1: Keep your voice down in public

During meals, especially Friday mornings, certain people usually have a tale or two to share. What some of us forget, however, is that not only Jeanne, but 5 or 6 Evans Scholars are in the room, listening to your every word. If you disclose enough personal information, they will talk about you behind your back and give you mean nicknames.

Lesson 2: Make sure you’re using your own toothbrush

Last year, two sisters were unknowingly using the same toothbrush for about a month. Long story short, keep yours in your room. And if the toothbrush has another person’s dentist’s name stamped on it, it’s probably not yours.

Lesson 3: Bring your cups down

With the absence of plastic and paper cutlery, we’ve had to bring the glass cups from the servery around the house with us when we’re trying to hydrate on the move. As a result, cup accumulation in bedrooms and bathrooms house-wide has become a huge issue. Subsequently, officials have begun to search for said cups, which increases the chance of spontaneous room checks… and we all know how that ends.

Lesson 4: Always be prepared for a spontaneous room check

Derived from lesson 3, lesson 4 carries many of the same risks as cup hoarding. I think we all know why being prepared for room checks is important. It has something to do with why I’ve been to CRSB around 15 times, and the folder of my CRSB records is thicker than most of my textbooks.

Lesson 5: Never go in the study room alone

Reagen Haeberle once told me the tale of the serial killers that reside in the basement of AXO. While I am aware that she’s probably making that up to scare me, I believe her. Reags and I both check behind the door for Jeffery Dahmer every time we go downstairs, and I refuse to be down there alone. Any golden lyre live-ins reading this, take precaution before it’s too late. Also, you probably don’t want to be down there anyway, that room looks like it’s right out of “Austin Powers Gets His Study On.”

Lesson 6: Locking the door doesn’t mean it’s soundproof

In a house with 50 girls, you can imagine there’s some cattiness from time to time. The thing about YOAC is the walls are paper thin. Girls tend to talk about each other…and when we’re nervous the subject might be within earshot, our next move is to lock the door. While this will prevent anyone else from coming in, it actually won’t muffle our voices…crazy, right?

Lesson 7: Be first in line for every meal

Out of every meal I attended while living in YOAC, I think it’s safe to say there were only 3 or 4 times when I was not one of the first 5 people in line. This may seem pathetic, but I just happened to have schedules that allowed me to be prompt. Also, if you’re not first, you won’t get enough of the hot commodities that aren’t mass produced (i.e. guac.) On Mondays, if possible, sit at the table with the least people at chapter dinner. I say “if possible” because last time I sat at an empty table, Jeanne stood over me and chanted “Fill. That. Table” over and over again until I moved.

Lesson 8: Don’t strike up a conversation with Jeanne when you’re in a rush

Even though I don’t really like to strike up a conversation with ol’ Jeanney at any time, I’ve learned that once you get her started, there’s no end in sight. Once, she asked Shmariel and I a question about what kind of salsa we bought, which lead to an hour long tale of her son’s mexican restaurant chain, including driving directions to the location. Recently, I made a comment about some sort of Passover-friendly dessert, and the curiosity I sparked lead to her reading each and every ingredient on the box aloud at a painfully slow pace.

Lesson 9: Don’t be fooled by “once agains”

When Sue recycles food, she craftily re-titles it as “once agains.” Whether I’m eating it “once again” or because it was “left over,” it tastes the same, and it does NOT taste good. It probably didn’t taste good the first time, because if the meal was a hit, there wouldn’t be any to eat “once again.” Watch out, and outsource for dinner that night. You won’t regret it.

Lesson 10: “Get your ass out of things you don’t know what to do about”

When I asked Shmare for her input on this post, this was her response. No further explanation, just words to live by. This phrase first came to be as a concluding line to one of her theatrical stand-up acts, and has fit most situations ever since. Applied to the life of an AXO live-in, this essentially means don’t tell on people, don’t take other people’s food, and don’t take other people’s belongings. You might think that people generally have an understanding of and respect for those concepts…nope!

When I handed in my key to Jeanne, a wave of sadness came over me. While we’ve definitely had moments when all we wanted to do was bust out of this “godforsaken place,” as Shmariel would say, I do truly adore YOAC. It seems like just yesterday that I moved into the smallest double and was scared to go downstairs alone, and even more recently, sat in Roscoe Lee Browne (Shmariel’s car) while she shouted “I can’t live in this miserable place no mo. I must be free!!!!!!!!!” immediately after our suspension. Two memorable years later, we are packing up and stowing/throwing our belongings from high altitudes (see video.) I’ll miss the servery stock of condiments and craisins, sleeping in the TV room during welcome week, not pregaming in the house, the round table, THE STOOLS, the balconies, and of course, Jeanne. Just kidding, tehe. In sum, Ye Olde Alpha Chi will forever have a big place in my colonial heart.